Archive for October, 2006

Finished One Year Ago

Wednesday, October 11th, 2006

I finished treatment one year ago yesterday. A recent email from someone led me to think about how much things have changed for me over that year. And the email asked me if I would do treatment all over again if I had to. This has really led me to evaluate my experiences – the costs and benefits.

This time last year I was dragging myself around feeling extremely weak and tired. I would often spend time just sitting, watching, sleeping and forgetting. That’s all I could really manage. I felt like I was 80 years old.

Reading my blog entries for the end of treatment, however, I am struck how positive and upbeat I sounded considering how limited I felt inside. I think I really had become used to life inside that “treatment bubble” – accepting of the limitations that the medications brought to my life and accepting that it was my time to focus on just myself getting well again. I had really embraced the experience and kept myself open to it.

Looking back on treatment – it really was a unique and special experience, a year like no other in my life. I don’t think I have ever spent a whole year being so single-mindedly focused on achieving something. I was 100% committed mind, body and spirit – to completing treatment and eradicating that virus. That was my life’s work and underpinned everything I did.

I learned to look after and care for myself, giving myself permission to put me first. Paradoxically, that meant allowing Carol to look after me alot more and do things for me.

I only ate the food that was the easiest for my liver to metabolise, drank loads of water (no fizzy drinks, alcohol) and green tea to flush my system and detox my liver,

I only did only stress free work part-time, didn’t worry about or try to cope with stressful situations – became quite good at letting go (via a good primal scream) of the riba-raging caused by the meds. Let myself be incredibly emotional and sentimental when I wanted to be – wept unpredictably over everyday life. I learned to say ‘fuck-off’ whenever I felt like it.

I learned meditation, received reiki empowerments, learned to look at and understand me from the inside, recognising and understanding myself all over – not just from the neck up, the inside of my head. I let my spirit develop.

Over the passage of the last year, I have held onto some of these habits practises and behaviours – some I have now let go. And, today, I feel fit and well. Strong and healthy. I have stopped being a patient, an ill person. My last LFT’s were all in normal range. It has almost been two years since I hosted that virus (my 12 week PCR was negative).

What after-effects do I notice from the treatment? My eyesight has got worse – I now need stronger lens for reading and (for the first time ever) to see long distances. My gums have suffered and are deteriorating. And I still struggle with remembering things. (Also I’m not convinced my hair, which went thin during treatment, has ever thickened up again)

All of these issues come with age – and as I am now 60, growing old becomes a reality. However I am convinced these things are more pronounced than they would have been if I hadn’t lived with the strong medications I had for a year. I do feel the treatment has aged me faster than the ordinary passage of time.

As my dentist said to me reassuringly – well at least you’ve got your health. And, as I said in reply, I don’t see why I can’t have my health – and my gums, my eyesight and my memory too. However, broadly speaking, he is right.

So if getting older and the gums, eyesight and memory have been the costs of the treatment, has there been a benefit?

Yes, and it’s not just clearing the virus. Of course that’s been the main benefit but there are others. I have really grown as a person through the toughness of that year and I have found a spiritual side to myself I hadn’t been in touch with before.

Would I do the treatment again if I had to? I know another year of treatment would not be the same as the one I have already done. One can’t have the same experience twice – nothing is ever the same again. I buy Cheap baclofen online, how much can 10mg baclofen go for on streets , what is the street value for baclofen 20 mg. does 10 kilogram of make u high high dose multiple sclerosis baclofen hiccups lioresal 10 mg.50 tb sudden withdrawal jan 1, 1970 – you will enjoy buying from us because we always have the best combination of price and quality on the market to buy fluoxetine online best prices for all customers! online prescription zoloft . approved pharmacy, how to buy zoloft online Pills cost of prednisone buy prednisone canada online Purchase cheap Deltasone . . valtrex cheap, cheap valacyclovir, buy valtrex online overnight, buy valtrex 500 would Buy Order do another course of treatment though. I think the benefits to be gained – mentally and spiritually as well as physically, make it worth the cost of the struggle and commitment. Just the possibility also of crossing that border away from being an ill person and into the territory of wellness would inspire and tempt me to doing it all again.

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